By Alejandra Ocampo
“I used to play polo together with James, and against each other, as well. When he died, Jaeger-LeCoultre, who were sponsoring me , were incredible, supportive, absolutely fabulous. I said to them – I can’t play anymore, how could I get on and enjoy myself with all the sadness, and the despair that sorrounded me. And they told me – we will support you, we won’t pressure you, we’d love you to play, but at the end of the day, it’s up to you. They have been very special to me and to my polo, amazing through the years. So I decided to enter a tournament. I played and I won. I came off the field, I got into my car and cried but I felt fine, because I discovered that I couldn’t be sad for one hour; I mean, I remained concentrated and focused on something else for one hour. I started again, and it saved me. Polo saved me, polo saved my mental health; it saved me in so many ways. Polo has been an extraordinary journey for me”.
These are the words of an extraordinary, brave, resilient and determined woman. Clare Milford-Haven is one of the most remarkable personalities of polo. An accomplished polo player, an advocate of ladies polo in England, who took part in and won many tournaments, either with men or with women; but also a woman whose life took a dramatic twist on December 2006. Following a minor surgery, her eldest son, James, took his life unexpectedly. He was only 21.
Born Clare Steel, she is the daughter of Anthony Steel and his wife, Anne Husted. “I am half American; my mother was American and my father was English”, Clare explains. The family, who had three children, lived not far from Midhurst. “I was brought up there, close to Cowdray Park. I spent my childhood in the English countryside, and used to ride and go hunting with my father. And we spent summers in the US, on an island called Nantucket, a beautiful place in Massachusetts. But basically, I was brought up and educated in the UK”.
Although Clare was raised in the English countryside, loved and rode horses, she wasn’t involved in polo. It was not until 30 years ago when she was introduced to the sport by her second husband, George Mountbatten, 4th. Marquis of Milford Haven (NR: Clare is by marriage, the Marchioness of Milford Haven), whom she married in 1997. Says Clare: “George is passionate about the sport, he introduced it to me. Back then, I didn’t play, but I loved sport and horses – I used to play lacrosse (NR: Lacrosse Lacrosse is like a fast-paced mix of soccer, basketball, and hockey. Players run around a big field, using sticks with nets to scoop and shoot a ball into goals), and tennis, go to pony club, that kind of stuff, but no polo”.
When and where did it happen?
Well, it was actually in Ghana, in Africa, when George played there, and I got on a little polo pony; I became obsessed. Because I discovered that polo combines two things I adored in my childhood – animals (horses, in this case), and ball sports. So I thought – this is amazing, I love it!
Once she seized the reins, Clare started to play competitive polo, and became one of the pioneers of the developing of female polo in England; she played her first competitive tournament at Cowdray Park Polo Club, around 1999. Clare also played some international polo, and she names her proudest moment when she represented England, with Nina and Tamara Vestey in the FIP European 8-Goal Championship, in Vienna, Austria, with an all-female team. “It was very funny. I mean, there was a woman in the German team, but we were the only team composed of 4 women; it was a mixed tournament, but we were the only all-female team. So I remember this press conference when we arrived, the Italian team were laughing like (adopts an Italian accent) – oh, no, look, the English, all women, they must be crazy! (laughs). It was very funny, they thought we couldn’t make it. But it was an amazing tournament, and we won the bronze medal. It was very special for me, an amazing experience for women in polo. I have had a lot of amazing experiences playing polo, I won a lot of wonderful cups, and played high goal. I’ve been incredible lucky; I also had amazing sponsors, as well. But that championship is my proudest moment in polo, my highlight. It was incredible”, Clare remembers.
Without doubt, ladies polo has grown and improved a great deal since 1999, when Clare played her first tournament. Today, it is possible to see more and more girls and women playing, very well organised as patrons or professionals. But in those days, it was very different, indeed. “The growth of ladies polo is incredible”, Clare reflects, and adds: “When I started to play, women’s polo was not that good; honestly, it was very bad. We used to play, in teams made of three women and one man; we always needed a man in the lineup. Later on, we started with the full-ladies teams, and one woman who helped a lot to develop it is Lila Pearson. “We needed to prove we could actually play, that we didn’t need a guy in the team; we needed to prove that women could play polo, and gain the interest of other women. Then Argentina introduced the female hándicaps, which was actually brilliant, very clever. And there is a strong interest in ladies polo now. I am very impressed by the growth of ladies polo these days”.
One of Clare’s most recent highlights as a player was the Richard Mille AlUla Desert Polo, last January, an exclusive and unique event that takes place in one of the most breathtaking and extraordinary polo destinations, the only polo tournament played in the desert, sorrounded by the iconic UNESCO World Heritage Sites, Hegra and Dedan. Clare played for Richard Mille Polo Team, alongside Pablo MacDonough and Mohammed Al Sewedy, from Egypt. An experience, Clare did enjoy. “AlUla was really incredible”, claims Clare. “It came through an invitation out of the blue, let’s say a last minute invitation, but an honour and a privilege to be invited. I was blown away by the combination of this spectacular heritage site and area that we were playing, the possibility to play our favourite sport with some the best players in the world and have fun. It was really a lovely combination of everything”. Moreover, Richard Mille captured the trophy.
How was playing with Pablo and Mo in such a unique and special event, sorrounded by an amazing entourage?
Really wonderful! I loved my team with Pablo, who is a really good friend of ours, and lovely Mo. We had a great team… although I had no idea we were going to win it! (laughs). But I claimed a wonderful cup. It was a tremendous occasion and really good fun. A very well organised event, a place we were very fortunate to see when we were playing there”.
Journalism and writing are the two other loves in Clare’s life; she was a renowned ournalist, as shown in many of the articles she produced for prestigious publications like Tatler – where she remained as a special editor through 1998-2006 -, GQ, The Evening Standard, The Times, The Telegraph, as well as a regular column in Polo Times. Her articles “didn’t have a specific genre, I came up with some ideas, I would write them and they were published”, she says. “I like writing, I enjoy it. It’s something I really love. In 2006, my husband sold his business and he told me – you don’t need to work any more! So I finished my full time job in October 2006. I’ve also written books for children as well, like The Magic Sandcastle; and now I am writing another book which is actually about James. But you never know what’s around the corner”.
By the time she was still working as a journalist, she wanted to have her own polo team, but as Clare points, “I was unable to afford it. I approached a friend of mine, a journalist, and told him I needed a sponsor in order to put my own team together. And he told me about Jaeger-LeCoultre, the watch brand that made the famous Reverso, the first watch for polo players. It seemed anobvious thing. I met Patrick, from Jaeger-LeCoultre and he became a great friend. They loved it because it was a way to honour their history and legacy. We had a wonderful relationship for maybe 15 years. They were very supportive, very interested, they really took full advantage of the relationship. With Jaeger-LeCoultre we did some polo clinics at Trippetts, I would go to Argentina with them, when they sponsored the Open. It was an amazing time for me”.
Clare became an Ambassador of the brand, alongside the likes of Eduardo Novillo Astrada Jr and Luke Tomlinson. But one day, the brand decided to go into a different direction, and Clare’s journey with Jaeger-LeCoultre came to an end. “They told me – look, we are very fond of you, but we are going into a different direction. Then, they moved more towards the film industry with actors to promote the brand. But it was amazing, I mean, I was very well trained by them, in my relationship with them. When you have a partner, a sponsorship, you have to make it work for both of you”.
In 2019, another opportunity came up – Arthur J. Gallager & Co, a global insurance company. “Gallagher is the current sponsor for my team. We talked about doing something for a couple of years; then in 2020 the pandemic came up. However, they continued with the sponsorship. Again,it was a wonderful start to a great relationship. My main goal for them now is to get them a name in the polo world as much as possible, because everyone needs insurance. It’s a wonderful brand to work with, very nice people”, says Clare, who is also an Ambassador of the brand.
But there’s one topic that is always present in Clare’s life and heart – James Wentworth-Stanley, her unforgettable and beloved eldest son. On the following year after his tragic passing, in 2007, she and her husband, George, established the Trippetts Challenge, a polo tournament in her son’s memory. Brave and remarkable as she is, she is able to speak about such a devastating loss.
“James was a very keen and accomplished polo player. He loved it, he played for his school, he captained the Harrow team against Eton, the year they finally won. He was great, he spoke Spanish and he absolutely loved the sport, he was totally passionate about it”, a moved Clare recalls. “When he died, we decided it would be lovely to have a tribute to him, to his memory and his passion. And we created a high goal tournament to be played in the main season at Cowdray Park Polo Club, before the start of the Queen’s Cup. It means a lot to me, the cup has James’ name on it. I feel very proud that his memory is intact because of his passion for the sport. It is a very sentimental tournament for me, to give the cup away to the winning team. Yes, it means a lot to me, indeed, to do something for James’ sake, to keep his memory alive”. Today, the Trippetts Challenge for the James Wentworth-Stanley Cup is one of the most significant and competitive tournaments in England, being played annually at the start of the season, prior to the Queen’s Cup, rated at 22 goals, and attracting some of the most renowned names of the sport.
But having a tournament and a cup to honor James’ memory, was not enough for Clare; she felt she needed to do something else on behalf of her son, in order to help and encourage others. She explains: “In 2008 we set up a foundation in his name. We basically wanted to prevent other families to go though we had been through. So we started funding other charities who were working in the suicide prevention space, particularly concerning young men and student mental health. I was learning all about the subject the whole time; I had no idea that suicide is thebiggest killer of men under the age of 35 in the UK. But actually, what I really wanted to do is to set up a place that would have saved James. I wanted to start that place. So, I did my research, and I found this wonderful charity called Maggie’s Centres, a cancer care charity, that provides expert care and support to people suffering from cancer and for their families. I love what they do. So I wanted to do something similar for those in suicidal crisis”.
With this knowledge, a plan developed – the opening of the first James’ Place centre came up, in 2018, in Liverpool. However, Clare admits that at first “it was a bit of a risk, because it has never been done before; we had to gain the confidence from the local doctors, local hospitals to send people to us when we started. It happened very quickly, really. Now we have three centers – Liverpool, London, Newcastle, and a fourth one is coming up in Birmingham soon. It’s amazing, wonderful, I am so happy about what we did. I’ve given my life to it. And we’ve got a wonderful team of therapists; it’s a mix of people who make a great team – a board of trustees (including famly members), a board of advisers. It’s not just me, it’s an incredible team of people involved in James’ Place, who are doing a great job. It’s really really lovely”. All three James’ Places have been opened by His Royal Highness Prince William, the Prince of Wales, something that, according to Clare “was very kind of him. He is a very busy man, but he has been incredibly generous to do so; he really believes in James’ Place. He is very much involved in mental health issues and he has been very supportive”.
Why James’ Place is focused on men in suicidal crisis?
Well, basically because men are three times more likely to take their own lives than women. Out of nearly 6,000 suicides per year in UK, 75% are male. I think it’s important to target the highest risk group – which are men. Men struggle to seek help; they don’t like to ask for help, they see it as a sign of weakness. So we tried to develop somehing that would encorage men to come into the centres. I was advised by a medical director in Liverpool, about the best way to do it. But the thing is that men are the highest risk group and they need to seek help; I am not saying women don’t take their own lives, but they look for help. Men have a lot of trouble looking for help; but seeking help is not being weak, it is a strength.
With regards to expanding James’ Place to other countries, Clare admits she would love it, but first, “what we want to achieve is to establish James’ Place as a national charity in the UK; in order to establish it as a national charity, we have to have good national representation. I would love to have James’ Place in other countries; it would be more like a franchise and to that extent, we have to control that in another country, which is harder to do. I am very interested in having James’ Place all over the world, but… it’s a matter of money. The therapy we deliver is free, we don’t charge men to have help. It’s a free service provided by fully trained therapists; we are giving the best therapy money can buy. So it’s really about constantly funding. But yes, I am very much in favour about expanding James’ Place all over, of course”.
For further information on James’ Place – https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/
Instagram: @jamesplaceuk
Cover photo courtesy Ms. Clare Milford Haven/James’ Place.